Archive for the ‘me mind’ Category

Holy Hiatus

May 3, 2010

Remember when I started an exciting new fulltime job back in September? You don’t? Oh. That’s okay. Here’s a refresher.

Just because I seemingly never talk about my office job on this blog, doesn’t mean that it’s not a huge part of my everyday life. In fact, it is actually the one commitment that is currently taking up the vast majority of my time.

That’s about to change.

In 2 weeks, I’m a free agent. I get a summer vacation. Like a teacher! The reason being: my job is seasonal. Working on a TV show is apparently not a year-long commitment. So this summer I will be experiencing my first official “hiatus”.

When I started this job back in September, the Summer Hiatus that my boss spoke of couldn’t have seemed farther away. But all of a sudden, it’s a mere 2 weeks from now, and I still have very little idea what I plan to actually do with my time off! I recognize that this is a pretty cushy problem to have. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not crying over the fact that a summer vacation is essentially built into my work schedule. I’m just trying to wrap my head around the fact that very soon, I won’t be responsible for reporting somewhere 5 mornings a week.

My day-to-day schedule will have no structure. Wait, I take that back. My day-to-day schedule will have whatever structure I choose. This thought is both empowering and intimidating.

When I’ve lamented about this recent fear of free time (new blog title?), a friend who also works in casting reassured me: “Trust me, you’ll find things to do. You’ll meet up with friends you haven’t seen in a while. You’ll sleep in. You’ll go to yoga. You’ll be fine.” In the words of Buckwheat: Oootay.

I have a basic idea of things I could willingly spend my time doing. Like focusing more attention on the bakery, and performing with Harvard Sailing Team, and taking that occasional yoga class. And I’m hoping to be able to squeeze an *actual* vacation in there too! David and I were toying with the idea of Greece, but now I’m thinking maybe Costa Rica? Without any flights booked or hotel rooms reserved, it’s all still a bit of a dream. But if I can manage to get in some pool time in a foreign place, sipping tropical cocktails, and taking long summer evening walks, I’d consider it a hiatus well spent.

With all of these prospective summer options laid out in front of me, I realize how lucky I am to even have this opportunity to take a break from the 9-5 lifestyle. Which makes these months off feel even more precious! I must remember to get off my own back about Making The Most Of Every Second Of My Hiatus, and instead focus on How Do I Choose To Spend My Day Today.

Maybe I’ll just take up an instrument. Like the accordion. Ooh sexy.

Or maybe, as soon as May 20th actually gets here, you’ll find me taking long naps under that heavenly magnolia tree in Prospect Park.


Nothing But Juice

April 26, 2010

You’re looking at my meals from yesterday and today. I’m a few hours away from being done with my 2-day cleanse.

Despite a momentary lapse of major hunger when my roommates (cruelly) ordered 2 delicious-smelling large pizzas on Saturday, I’ve actually been doing well and feeling great! And I’ve been practicing some serious discipline.

Interestingly, I don’t miss food and I haven’t been hungry these past 2 days – the juices actually have enough calories to get you through the day, so it doesn’t really feel like I’m fasting. Actually, the thing that I miss the most is the social aspect of eating.

Abstaining from food this weekend has really shown me how much of my weekend activities are food motivated! With all my “meals” pre-packaged and separated into juice bottles, all of a sudden I’m not going out for brunch or meeting friends at a bar. It feels so bizarre for me to make plans that don’t revolve around food.

Just as important as cleansing my body, this cleanse has really highlighted what a huge role food plays in my everyday life. It’s a major part of my workday and my evening and weekend plans. Like a security blanket or something! My goal is that I’ll be able to continue this acute awareness of what (and how much) food I’m putting into my body. And to exercise self-control when there is a huge bar of Trader Joe’s dark chocolate in my cupboard and leftover pizza in the fridge.

For more info on this particular cleanse, check out BluePrintCleanse.


April 21, 2010

Isn’t this tree beautiful? I noticed it for the first time on my walk home from work. It’s like Fern Gully or something!

Spring is here. And that means Spring showers, Spring iced coffee (just go with me), and Spring cleaning. Whether I want to admit it or not, I am in some dire need of Spring cleaning. I have a dust buster for a reason, and I’m gonna put it to use dammit!

And this Spring, I’m doing something new that I’ve never done before. I’m not just cleaning my apartment, but I’m also cleaning my body. I’m going to go on my first ever cleanse!

Yep. You heard it here first, folks. I’m doin’ a cleanse. Call it one too many chocolate chip cookies, or the gym membership that I recently cancelled, or panic about getting ready for swimsuit season. Whatever the many reasons may be, I realized that I needed something to kickstart my movement towards a healthier lifestyle. Am I cutting out caffeine, sugar, and dairy forever? Heck no. Just for these next few days. As a little experiment. 🙂

Right now I’m in the “prep” phase of a 2-day juice cleanse that goes down on Saturday and Sunday. Prepping for this cleanse basically means gradually weaning out certain foods (sugar, meat, dairy) to prepare your body for a smoother transition into the juice cleanse. After doing some research and talking to friends who’ve tried it, I decided to go with the BluePrintCleanse. You drink 6 “special” juices a day that the BPC elves prepare for you in advance. It’s all fresh and natural and some of the flavors actually sound yummy (cashew milk?!). And in between each juice, I’m supposed to drink A LOT of water. Oh boy. We shall see how this whole cleanse thing goes down… Fortunately, a few of my girl friends have signed up to do it with me this weekend as well! So we’ll have each other’s backs when we’re looking for a hunger sympathy vote.

I’m not looking forward to the kvetching that will inevitably come with the fact that I WON’T BE EATING FOOD for 2 days. But actually, in this very moment I’m buzzing with the excitement of embarking on this little juice adventure. (If my tone seems testy on Sunday, you can blame the fact that my belly will be filled with mostly water). And I just keep telling myself, “It’s only 2 days. You can drink a few colorful juices for 2 days. Just think about the slice of pizza that’s waiting for you on that 3rd day!” Just kidding. Am I?

I’m making a Spring resolution to look good and feel good. A resolution to say “yes” to more yoga classes and “no” to second helpings of pasta.

Something’s Going Around

March 3, 2010

‘Tis the season to get sick.  Thankfully, Jen is the baker extraordinaire and I stay out of the Fanny & Jane kitchen these days.

But I tell ya, one of our bakery’s Peanut Butter Buckeyes could really cure my sick-day blues…I wonder how feasible it is to create a Chicken Noodle Soup Truffle?  Or a Matzoh Ball Bite dipped in dark chocolate!  The idle mind is the chocoholic’s playground.  Or something like that.

our Salted Peanut Butter Buckeyes

Spread Thin

October 23, 2009


I’ve been trying to quiet the constant chatter in my brain lately, but I’ve been having trouble.  One clear sign that I know something is up, is that I was tossing and turning in bed last night and had trouble falling asleep.  Normally, I am an absolute pro at falling asleep anytime anywhere.  Exhibit A.

This behavior is actually something that happens to me every year.  The same time of year.  So why I don’t expect these feelings of anxiety, stress, and sadness by now, is anyone’s guess.  Perhaps some of you out there can relate.  I call it “the birthday blues”.

I know that in the midst of a society dealing with an economic crisis, world hunger, and ponzi schemes, having anxiety over one meaningless day (like a friggin birthday!) is absolutely absurd.  But try as I might to trick myself into forgetting my birthday, or treating it without a care, I sincerely can’t help it.  And I know that too resist is to persist.  So with that in mind, this year I am making my best efforts to just embrace these feelings of confusion and meloncholia.  Not to judge it or try and fight it.  But to let it be there.  And then hopefully this too shall pass.

It has nothing to do with getting one year older.  I actually quite look forward to that part.  24!  Woohoo!  I imagine it will be a lot like 23.  Can’t wait.  For me, it’s more about my expectations of the day.  I tend to exhaust myself when trying to think of the absolute perfect way to plan the day.  And the fact that my birthday also happens to be Halloween, doesn’t exactly help my search for peace and calm about the whole thing.  In fact, Halloween in the city is usually a night of chaos and lots of traffic.  I just try to remind myself: it’s just one day.  A day like any other day.  A day with 24 hours.  I will eat during this day.  And I will sleep at the end of it.  And maybe party with my lovely friends at some point during it.

Sorry this is more of a bummer-y post than I usually put up.  But in an effort to be honest with where I’m at, might as well share these feelings on my blog too.  Thanks for listening.


Dr. Oz’s Doppelganger

October 16, 2009


On my way into work the other day, I did a double-take when I saw this ad on a bus stop.  My first thought was, “Huh.  I didn’t realize that Jason Bateman did another movie.  Wasn’t he just in that movie Extract?…”  And then, upon closer inspection, I realized that this wasn’t a poster for a Jason Bateman meets Christopher Guest ironic mockumentary-style star vehicle.  This was a non-ironic poster for a legitimate program.  This was Dr. Oz. 

So that’s what this guy looks like??  I mean, I know all about him.  He’s Oprah’s go-to doctor and yada yada.  I’ve heard his name so many times, but I’ve never actually seen a photo of him!  Until now. 

I mean, come on.  Am I right?!


jason bateman

Bateman, you’re a handsome fella.  And you also happen to look like Dr. Oz.  Please use it, and star in his biopic.  It will be hilarious.

And while I’m at it, what the heck does this poster mean?  Is it a command, telling his viewers to live right now?  Or is he merely informing us that his tv show is always on, and it’s being broadcast live, right now?  Honestly.  What is a person to make of that punctuation?

Am I the only nutjob obsessing about this?

From Office to Office, Dust to Dust

October 15, 2009

After taking a little blogging hiatus, last week, I decided to post a bullet-pointed list of what I’ve been up to these past few months.  And one of those bullet points mentioned that I unexpectedly started a brand new job.  I’ve been keeping pretty busy, and haven’t had the chance to fill you in on all the juicy details yet, but I should probably let you know that this new job has most certainly affected my life in a whole bunch of ways since I started working here about 3 weeks ago.

For starters, this is the very first full-time job I’ve ever had!  All my life, I’ve chosen my jobs, not so much based on the money or potential for career advancement, but rather, based on the job’s flexibility and potential for fitting into my lifestyle.  In the few years since I graduate college, I’ve always held at least 2 part-time jobs at once.  Yes, sometimes it made me a little crazy to be running from the desk job as an office administrator, to the Museum of Natural History to butler mini mushroom quiches at a Bar Mitzvah.  But to be fair, at times it was slightly thrilling.  A little Clark Kent-into-Superman-y.  However, that thrill quickly wore off the moment I realized that I’m wearing filthy tuxedo pants and not a flashy red cape. 

But that frenetic and flexible schedule was worth it to me because it enabled me to pursue my other passions: baking for Fanny & Jane, spending time with friends, performing comedy, and just having some me time to clean my room, do laundry, or watch Top Chef.

Since I’ve committed myself to joining the great American workforce as a full-timer, I can kiss my free Mondays and Fridays goodbye (because of the supplemental nighttime catering events, I was able to work only 3-days a week at the old desk job…pretty sweet deal).  But now, I’m looking at yer standard 5-days a week, 10am-6ishpm, morning and evening rush hour subway commute.  My friends have all told me that this new, more demanding schedule will soon take a little toll on my mind and body, and have urged me to get more sleep than my usual 6 hours a night.  Hasn’t happened quite yet, but I’ve definitely been drinking more coffee than ever before.  But isn’t that one of the requirements of having a full time job?  That you’re always drinking a coffee and complaining about the photocopier being broken?

So, what gives?

Why did I take this full-time job?  Wasn’t I happy with my old flexible schedule and my free Mondays and Fridays?  Well, yes I was.  But like I mentioned above, this job-change was completely unexpected and this new position literally fell into my lap.  And as soon as this opportunity presented itself, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  Which was my first clue that it was probably the right decision for me to embrace this chance at a new start.  My constant questioning of it, and asking my best buddies what they thought of me potentially taking this leap, made me realize something that didn’t dawn on me before: that I was really ready for a change.  If this new opportunity hadn’t come up, it probably would have only been a month or so before I figured it out for myself and thought, “Hey self, you’re pretty bored with what you’re doing.  It’s time to shake things up.”  Fortunately, this job came up at just the perfect time.

In addition to the exciting and scary thrill of change for change’s sake, this new job has also given me the opportunity to actually work and make money in the entertainment industry — a field that not only interests me greatly, but that I also have a degree in!  (Sorta kinda…a BFA in drama counts, right?).  In the interest of keeping work & play seperate, I don’t plan to outline too many of the job specifics here on this blog, but I can happily tell you that I am working in the casting office of a great TV show, and I am given enough responsibility to keep me busy and keenly interested in the work I’m doing.  There.  Was that cryptic enough? 🙂

Needless to say, this has been a huge recent change in my life.  And I’m still adjusting.  Adjusting to my new life schedule.  Adjusting to my new co-workers.  Adjusting to the new perks of the job.  Adjusting to how I spend my precious free time.  Adjusting to the balance.

Speaking of jobs, my dear friend and wonderful business partner, Jen is now only two days away from being free from her desk job!!  This is mega.  For those of you who have been following her blog, you know that she’s been on the journey to follow her bliss and leave her desk job.  She bravely quit on September 1st, and tomorrow is her grand finale at the office.  With no next job lined up, her plan is to pursue work that she’s passionate about and take it from there.  We are all so proud and excited for her.  You better believe we’re celebrating with margharitas and nachos tomorrow night at 7:01.

Jen has been incredibly supportive of my decision to take this new job, and has encouraged me to trust my instincts if this change feels right.  If there’s one huge lesson I have learned from her, it’s: to let the path show itself.  On her blog, she talks about how she’s been able to embrace this philosophy, and it has been inspiring to me.  With my tendency to want to control situations, this peaceful reminder to chill out and let things run their course has helped me take a back seat from time to time and trust that I will instinctually know “the right answer” when the time comes.  And ya know, even if I don’t have “the right answer”, I will have an answer, which will inevitably lead me down some path, which will open the door to something new.

At the moment, we are embracing both of these huge, new, scary, and exciting changes in our lives…and chuckling at the fact that I’m going from part-time to full-time, and she’s going from full-time to no-time.  It’s like Freaky Friday!  Except, no Jamie Lee Curtis.  I guess it’s not really like Freaky Friday.

Thanks for reading, and I’m excited to share the news and happenings of this new little journey with you. 


Summer, Where Ya Goin?

August 18, 2009






Sitting atop my friend’s Williamsburg roof the other day, I became acutely aware that we’re in the middle of August, quickly heading towards September.

Staying true to my fear of missing out, I’ve been having slight anxiety about the summer slipping away and the feeling that I didn’t take advantage of everything that a New York summer has to offer a young, energetic, movie and food-loving girl like me.  I know it’s unrealistic to expect myself to attend every drink special event at Beer Table, or get a front row seat at the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, but still!  I read my issue of Time Out New York every week.  I’m well aware of all the events potentially at my fingertips!  I’m ashamed to admit that I haven’t made it to ONE outdoor movie screening this entire season (how could I have allowed myself to miss “Harold and Maude” in Bryant Park??).

I guess I don’t really have a good excuse.  Sure, I’ve been baking my butt off, and this summer has turned out to be one of my hardest-working New York summers yet (what happened to summer vacation?).  I think I’ve just been experiencing some serious wander lust lately.  In recent summers past, I’ve had an EscapeFromNewYork to look forward to.  Whether it was a trip to a faraway land (Israel) or a trip to some other faraway land (Burning Man), knowing that I had some trip to look forward to, somehow made it easier to chill out, pat myself on the back and say, “Good job.  What a rejuvenating summer.  Way to treat yourself, Self”.

Because of an uber busy schedule and due to financial restrictions, it seems there will be no big (or little) trip for me this summer.  Although, there has been some recent buzz about a group camping trip!  Fingers crossed that it pans out.  I do feel bad complaining though, because even though my summer has been seemingly non-stop obligations, it has been for things that I enjoy – consistent Fanny & Jane orders coming in and big Harvard Sailing Team comedy video projects to shoot and shopping for furniture and paint swatches to re-decorate my living room – it’s all good stuff!  I think my nights of staying up until 2am and waking up a mere 6 hours later, are finally starting to catch up with me.  To be expected.  All I’m sayin’ is that a massage would be really nice.  In Greece.  Fine, I’ll take Jersey.  Just so long as it’s before Autumn.

Moments with Words

July 31, 2009


The other day, I took myself on an evening stroll to meet my friend for dinner in Park Slope.  My schedule for that day just happened to work itself out so that I was left with a nice chunk of time to take a leisurely walk.  So I did.  The bizarre summer monsoon that New York has been experiencing lately was a potential threat to my walk, but fortunately it stayed dry for me for those 45 minutes – though, it should be noted that the thick heat and heavy moisture in the air made it feel like I was walking through a jacuzzi.  A jacuzzi that drowned brownstones and strollers.  

On my walk, I ran into this small piece of graffiti:

IMG_0207 I really liked it.  I can’t exactly say why it was so arresting to me in that moment.  Maybe it was the fuchsia.  Maybe it’s because I’m a sucker for ellipses.  I’m not really sure.  But the sentiment, “I’m getting closer and closer to everywhere…”, just rang so true and simple to me.  That sentence found a way to apply itself to all aspects of my life, like a magazine horoscope, or a vague fortune cookie does.  I like how it can be read so literally and metaphorically, like, “yeah, if I’m lost, no matter where I end up, I’m getting close to something.  Maybe not the place I was initially intending to reach, but another place, a new unknown place, so that’s okay.”

 Jen has always been very wise when it comes to advice, and since our friendship has grown, she has really helped me embrace the “Let the path show itself” philosophy, both in life and in our new baking business.  As a person who gets off on crossing  through to-do lists, and doesn’t like to let go of control very often, I really benefit from this kind of Zen mentality.  Every once in a while, when I allow myself to slip into that state of mind, I find that I’m better for it: my shoulders relax, my eyebrows un-furrow, and my mind is clear and calm to work on whatever is in front of me at that moment.  It takes some conscious effort to remind myself to go to that mental place, but once I’m there, it’s a much easier place to hang out.  My new short-term goal is to remember that I’m always getting closer to everywhere (metaphorically-speaking).

Sit and Be

July 29, 2009




I realize that it’s probably the most interesting time to blog when one’s life is very busy.  Ironically though, when my life is very busy, I find I barely have any time to blog at all.  It’s the constant struggle for this blogger. But fear not, even though I haven’t actually put up any posts these past few days, it doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking about all the things I can blog about when I get the chance.  So get ready, because I’ve got 6 days worth of blog topics and photo goodies stored up to post, and I’m just bursting at the internet seams to share them.

I know that my recent lack of web presence wasn’t weighing on anyone’s mind nearly as much as it was weighing on my own, but nonetheless, I just wanna say thanks for coming back!

There’s a LOT of big stuff that’s gone on in my life over the past few days – like the fact that I got my food handler’s license in the mail!, and that my friend and roommate Lisa moved out of our Brooklyn apartment and is about to embark on a 6-month long adventure around the world, and my brother moved in, and Fanny & Jane participated in our first NY street fair…  But all those things will be blogged about in due time.

So I’ll just start with a little anecdote about a good decision I made last Wednesday evening.

Last Wednesday evening I found myself in a familiar predicament – I had some time to kill between the end of my work day and the beginning of my next commitment (in this case, it was a Harvard Sailing Team performance at Caroline’s on Broadway), but it wasn’t necessarily enough time for me to commute home to Brooklyn, relax a little, and then come back to the city.  Because of the way my schedule often works, with rehearsals and various other random commitments, I frequently find myself in this situation: I have random blocks of 2 or 2 1/2 hours of time in the middle of my day.  Usually, I’ll use this time to get stuff done, like Fanny & Jane shopping, or updating my planner, which I obsessively fill out, (sometimes weeks after an event), but I’ll get more into that some other time.  Or, if I’m lucky, and the weather is nice, sometimes I’ll perch somewhere outside and read, or…update my planner.  Fortunately, the office where I work 3 days of the week, is in the Flatiron District, so whenever I wanna just sit on a park bench for a minute, I walk right across the street to the lovely Madison Square Park.

As Jen mentioned on her blog, I had two Fanny & Jane events to prepare for all by myself last week (actually, Jen helped me with a ton of prep, but it was up to me to oversee the events and be the sole F & J representative), and on Wednesday night, just a few nights before Fanny & Jane’s first experience at a NY Street Fair, I felt there were many things to worry about, lists to write, items to check off said lists, and groceries to shop for.  But, very unlike me, I made the choice to ignore those things for the night.  I have to say, I was very proud of myself.  I made up my mind that I would not do any work, be good to myself by giving my brain and body a rest, and be fine with just wasting a little bit of time.  So I flexed my new “just sit and be” muscles at Madison Square Park.

Oh, the line for a burger at Shake Shack is literally an hour-long wait?  Go for it, self!  There’s nothing else to do, or nowhere else ya gotta be for a few hours.

I indulged in pleasures that I don’t always allow myself – simple things that make me happy, like sitting outside by myself, listening to an outdoor concert, people watching, and eating a Shack Burger with extra pickles.